Writing

- Bunny femcel journal #3 -

I did it. I actually deleted my kink and art tumblr. It's brought me nothing but pain and frustration. Not to mention heartbreak from all of the ghosting I recieved, and on occasion delivered. Nothing but lustful creeps, and I was one of them.

I won't lie, you know who brought upon this. My fault. I thought that maybe I could reach out again, one more time, just be his friend. But no, he ignored me. It just reminded me that I'm still that needy girl pining after him. He didn't ignore me last week, but I was dumb to think that i'd actually be welcomed back into his life. Hah. Nah. That doesn't happen for me.

It sucks. But I should've known better than to reach out again as if it can go back to the way things used to be. I didn't change in this three months and neither has he.

Maybe one day, when we're much older, we can reconnect as completely different people. But I don't think that will happen. And that's okay. That just means that we weren't meant to be in eachother's lives. Although for him, I was just a blip whereas I came out traumatized with an even deeper bitterness for people and their intentions. Don't think we could have been friends either, he kept posting about 'doing stuff' while being just friends. I don't want to blur that line again. Neither do I want to trust anyone nor be as honest as I used to be.

I just set myself back 3 months again. I should've kept ignoring him, but I just.. thought I could salavge it. It's coming up to be the time to be where we first started talking last year.

EDIT

Okay so they did noticed I deleted it and worried..and I added them back. Well shit, I was going to do the mature thing and leave and stuff so he'd be free..now I'm just confused..did I just split today or is it just a personality flaw? Gosh now i'm just on edge and at a loss on how to move forward. I guess..we're still friends? That's good..just hope we keep it platonic then. As much as I still like the guy, I don't play for fun anymore. Play flirting and sexting is uh..it confuzzles a loser like me so..fuck.

I am not owed a response, obviously, but since he didn't, I was just gonna disappear..man I sound so entitled. I don't know how to feel..but at least my tumblr is gone. (Doll tumblr is still up.)