Writing

- Bunny femcel journal #6 -

My kinks are kinda weird. Not like, hahah feet are hot weird, I guess more psychologically weird. Not the say that foot fetishes are weird, do what you want with consenting parties. Anywho, for some reason, I really like the idea of being taken advantage of. Sexually. Perhaps it’s my lack of a lot sexual experience and attention that most women probably have at my age. Mine is very minuscule. I guess in my mind, it’s hard to imagine someone wanting to pursue something serious with me. Like, with intention and with dates and stuff. It’s way easier to fantasize someone raping me because that’s as close as I’ve gotten. It’s kinda weird. Coercion I guess. Or just them being mean to me and using me as a just a cum dump. For me, that’s the only way a guy would want me, realistically. Them being sweet to me with intention of a genuine connection is the real fantasy.

But there’s another part of me that wants to be like, forbidden to fuck? Or like a guilty pleasure that someone’s obsessed with. Hurt me instead of hurting someone who doesn't deserve it. I dunno. My brain’s a mess. I mean, it’d be nice to have a meaningful relationship, but I don’t think that’s gonna happen with someone genuine. For some reason, I only really get along with perverted men. Most of the guys I talked to just talked about sex and pervy stuff to me because I think they didn’t take me as a serious candidate. Female companionship but they don’t need to filter their gross thoughts that would scare me away because they don’t even intend to keep me in the first place. At first, it was nice to get male attention, but like damn. It makes me sad that it’s all I’m good for. It doesn’t help that I have a hard time not getting attached if it seemed like it may go somewhere. It never does.

Besides that, I also would want to have a position of authority over me. That’s why I like guys who are older than me. They would able to play that role for me. Tell me what to do and stuff. Think for me.

Sometimes I have thoughts about being a mindless fuck doll who’s at the mercy of some hot pervert. That’s why I like thinking and drawing myself as a doll sometimes. I like the idea of being an object, I guess. Being perceived as a beautiful thing that can also be destroyed if they so will it. Something No one else can have but them. Being owned completely and utterly. I think it all falls within the Consensual non Consent category.

Of course, it’s all just a fantasy. And for someone like me, the person that I would let do all that to me doesn’t and wouldn’t want me.

I would say that I don’t know where all that came from, but that would be a lie. It’s probably important that I should mention that I got molested as a kid by an older male cousin several times, and well now I can’t think of actually making out with anyone without ever thinking of that time. So that’s probably where my unhealthy obsession with older men and wanting their approval came from. Oh and daddy issues. A flaky ass dad, one who I think groped me full on when I was a teenager, but I don’t remember if it really happened or not.

So now I’m just fully turned onto by the idea of me being coerced and molested and groped and stuff. So long as it’s not by an actual family member and not when I was a child. I did let one guy touch my boob when I was a teen but then I didn’t end up liking that. Probably because I didn’t like him like that. So I’m not even sure if my kinks are even real or valid. Definitely a manifestation of trauma to the point where I think I fair better with perverted men. I suppose it’s easier to talk about sex.

I won’t lie, I ended up super hypersexual. I masterbate most days and I’m always concerned with whether I am sexy or not. I want to be. It seeps into my art to the point where I draw myself getting fucked to cope with not being fucked and even my dolls. I want them to look as lewd as I feel. Hell, one of my favorite doll lines right now is angelphilia, but they are super expensive. I mean, I have one, but only the bare parts. I’m getting off topic.

Besides me being very submissive, another part of me wants to be really slutty. With one person. Which probably contridicts that, but you know. I can be really shameless when it comes down to it. I wanna wear super short skirts where my ass peeks out and a thong and all that. Wear slutty cosplay and take and post pictures of myself in. I'm getting close to making that a reality, I just need the right body for it.

There's only a small part of me that wants to completely dominate a man. Like, hate fuck them into oblivion. Especially a white man. Okay, the race play can be either or, but if i had the chance, I wanna make them completely addicted to my latina pussy. Ride them to the moon and back until they beg for mercy. And be mean to them back. Absolute retribution. I'm a jealous bunny, so i'd would make sure they only have eyes for me and me alone. Why would you want anyone else when you have me? Lowkey, kinda want them to hump my leg and pant like a dog. You know, completely humiliate them. Er, no sexually painful torture, as i'm squeamish. And I don't want to hurt anyone in that manner.

However, I'm not that good at speaking. And i'm not that assertive. So I don't think that will ever happen.

I got more kinks but I think that's enough to reveal for now.

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